A good friend recently told me that the solution to my anxiety is to embrace the uncertainty. As someone who has had a plan for majority of her life, uncertainty is not something I would swipe right to. However, if I really had to be uncertain about certain things, below are the ones I would opt for:
Because baby steps.
1/ The temperature of water when I first get into the shower- I like to test my reflexes from time to time
2/ Coffee or Tea- As long as there’s caffeine and sugar involved, count me in
3/ The side of the bed- I used to sleep on the left side of the bed. We had a window on the right side and I wanted to protect myself from whatever thug puts his arm through. Now, we have a window on both sides of the bed, so a girl has just got to rely on luck, you know
4/ Whether I get the newspaper in the morning- Let’s be serious, I ain’t gonna be reading that
5/ The next vacation spot
6/ Queues: The wait can seem long and the one you’re in never seems to move the fastest. But queues have a way of figuring themselves out- just like life 🙂
My first strand of grey hair came as a surprise to me. It popped up unannounced on a busy Thursday morning when I was struggling to send emails while getting dressed and still making a few minutes to grab breakfast. And boy, was I shocked.
dont get me wrong, I’m familiar with the process of ageing. An occasional line here and a sag there has happened and very many dollars have been spent on the perfect serum, the best skin cream and fairy dust. But greying of hair, that’s the true sign that it,s time to join the Senior’s line at the Guruvayoor temple.
My first thought was- I’m only 26, it’s the stress. No job can be worth grey hair, I’m going to quit today. And i was dead serious about it. Me- the one who has not updated her CV even after working 12 hours in a stretch wanted to quit over a grey strand (For any new readers, that’s who I am-Vain) But I didn’t. I sucked it up, went to office and complained to three people about the greying (because that’s also who I am – lazy).
Long story short- My hair has started greying- I’m officially old. I also think this makes me entitled to use those crazy hair colours L’Oréal promotes (Note to self-Must ask Mom). And if any of you have a job to spare- hook me up 😀
Early on in my childhood, I knew that my hair was exceptional. Others had money, mansions and the ability to multiply 4 digit numbers in their heads. I had my hair- wavy, unruly, frizzy, savage..exceptional.
For someone who spent majority of her life in the pursuit of taming her voluminous mane- (in)famously known as the perfect hiding spot for smuggling mobiles into school, I was shocked when they suddenly decided to unfriend my scalp and fall out in clumps. So I did the obvious- tried umpteen home remedies to address the problem. Eggs, avocados and mayo went into my hair but even snacks couldn’t persuade my mane to stay rooted. To summarise, I had a problem even coconut oil couldn’t fix.
Last week, myhair dresser told me that my hair was getting curlier and scantier as I approached *cough* middle age. Alongside me a woman was arguing with the stylist about the unfortunate turn her hair dyeing process had taken. Another young man was getting his hair to defy gravity while a teen was being made to resemble a porcupine. As my stylist tried to straighten my incorrigible bangs painfully and I began to resemble Medusa tattooed onto his forearm increasingly… I thought two thoughts:
1/ what sort of hat would suit my face shape?
2/ why is hair considered such an important element of beauty? If Lady Godiva’s naked ride through the streets covered only by her hair taught us one thing it is that one who has the hair has it all?
My struggle with fixing the attrition on my head continues with more innovative techniques like meditation, spells and coercion. However, hair struggles are a part of adulting and below are my top 3 ways to console those who complain about hair fall:
1/ Not everyone can look like MichellePfeiffer and frankly it’s not like you ever had a chance
2/ Aren’t you glad it’s your hair that’s falling out and not your teeth?
Disclaimer: All characters are inspired from real life events. Resemblance of any character to any person is 100% intentional
1/ The start-up guru: This person has 10 start-ups under his belt (turtleneck?)- mostly found in the window seat typing furiously into a mac book. These kind almost always talk to me- probably because their venture is associated with marketing, development or sleep- domains where I have slightly more insight than an average person.
2/ The party prez: Yes, you have political affiliations but you’s gotta take a train- because, humility! Mostly found amidst a swarm of minions, talking loudly into a cellphone about the last farmer he hugged. And yes, the jacket’s from Prada- deal with it.
3/ The employee: For Mr.Employee the train journey is a weary routine. If only someone wold invent a teleportation device instead of those damn rockets- pft. India needs more engineers.
4/ The giggly lady: Think huge hair, rose coloured glasses and almost always on the look-out for Raj (Not on EUrail- because parents started getting immune to that pooja trick ya)
5/ The lovebirds: There’s always a honeymooning couple who just can’t seem to keep their eyes off each other! Not that I have anything against PDA, but given a choice between getting eaten by a leopard and PDA- sure hope I’m tasty to the leopard.
6/ The family: They should set a limit on the number of humans below the age of 5 that you can bring into a train. Period.
7/ Our very own bhagwan: The guy who clambers onto the top seat of the compartment and watches over us mere mortals blissfully. This guy has arrived- he has goals and he knows how to get there. He’s not here for the bhajjis and the chai and small talk- he slowly build his man-pad on the top bunker of the train.
What I’m saying is this- If this were reel life, this would be the guy doing Chaiya Chaiya.
What if he’s fallen ill- worse yet, lost his phone? Better check his Last seen. 5 minutes ago? May be he’s texting someone from work. Yes, of course he’s busy with work- today’s Monday. That must be it.
I’ll send a follow up message just in case.
Blue ticks? BLUE TICKS?
Just Mom -.-
I knew the girl on the subway wasn’t a maternal cousin. Do I look like I was born yesterday? Hmm, may be that exclamation mark was a bit too much, I should’ve stopped at “hi”.
Wait a minute, I look chubby in my last Instagram picture. Is that what it is?
I need my girlfriends. Sheila was right, he wasn’t that cute also. I’ll do better- this is the universe’s way of telling me. I’ll check my horoscope to see if it says something about this.
Don’t worry Beta, it’s just like T(h)inder.
For those of you who have fortunately (or unfortunately) let their family/ loved ones find them a ‘Suitable partner’ online, here are my top concerns: Disclaimer: 1. All instances are purely fictitious (debatable)
2. This is not meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. If it does, here’s a tissue. There,there.
Start young: Mum used to say this and I’ve never listened to her- but guys, Shady.com has a filter for 18-24 year old girls. I repeat, 18-24. That makes us 25 year olds Aunties in shaadi age. No, I don’t care if the pesky kid next door calls me Aunty.
Hello makers of shady.com, unless it’s mental age you’re talking about- get yourselves checked.
Pro tip: Shady.com has an awkward blog too. Go read for the laughs!
Horoscopes: Apparently the same horoscopes can be considered a match or a disaster according to the astrologer you choose to visit. Also, where’s the creep filter on horoscopes when you need one?
A girl has no hope AKA Mangliks: Don’t get me started about marrying trees. Actually, it is not so bad. If people cared for trees as they cared for husbands, we wouldn’t need the Paris Climate change agreement after all. The UN called? Tell them my dates are full.
The Bio-data: I’ve spent all my life filling in the blanks of my professional bio-data that I didn’t even know that marriage bio is a thing. If I were to make mine, here’s how it would go:
<Insert nervous looking photo>
Age: 25 (hehehe)
Interests: I just want to chill, you know
About me: Dysfunctional
Family background: Have you watched New York minute? (If you haven’t we cant be friends)
Complexion: Refer to photo
Hair color: Refer to photo
Eye color: Refer to photo
Weight: Now you’re just being mean.
Website Bios: “Hello this is Aman. I am foregn educated from simple family. Myself engineer looking for girl who can cook Chinese dishes and serve with smile. If you are my Naina, pls send rishta <3”
In conclusion, if any prospective MILs are reading this, I’d like to say “Hi. Myself Maneesha. Makes great pasta, does aarti once a day….”
As I bid adieu to Bangalore, here are a few things about the city that I will miss.
Time: Going for an important meeting? Don’t worry, as you will get unlimited preparation time in the car while you are stuck in traffic. This time can alternately be utilized in surveying Snapchat filters and trying to find a respectable Hindi radio station.
Dosa: Spicy potato mush lovingly ensconced in thin, crisp, fried rice batter lined with a layer of spicy red (magic) powder. The dingier and more unhygienic the place, the tastier their dosas will be. You can thank me later.
Auto wallas: You can never get enough of hating Bangalore auto wallas. The desire for receiving a ‘Howdhu’ from them will beat the times you’ve daydreamed of hearing the same word from your crush.
Extended night life: The curfew on the city has recently been extended to 1 AM. God bless us, everyone.
Start up- shut down: ‘Tis the city of start-ups, no surprises there. In case you’ve always dreamt of dramatically walking out of an MNC after submitting the week’s notice, you will definitely find a start-up to lend your brain to.
Small world: Wherever you chose to hang out in Bangalore, you will always meet people you know. This tells us:
a. The world is round
b. You should’ve gotten your hair dyed blonde last month while you had a chance
(Not the least) The Chill: May the chill linger in our hearts forever.
Fun fact: Did you know Bangalore is called the Garden city? Wait, but why.
Until next time.